Ramblings and Readings on Perfectionism

Perfectionism can be a ball-and-chain. In some very few people, a healthy dose of perfectionism will work well with their other traits and be somewhat of a blessing, rather than a curse. My mom is a perfectionist, but she also has many other wonderful qualities which include an amazing work-ethic, crazy perseverance, an unwillingness to give up, and the ability to say, "this is as good as it gets" and walk away from something that she knows she has done a darn good job on. Her opposing qualities over-rule her perfectionism and let her use it to her advantage. I, on the other hand, have perfectionism paired with some nasty friends. I am a procrastinator. My mom can procrastinate too, but usually it is when she has already completed hours or days of productive activity. Sometimes, when I haven't bothered to think about lists, or priorities, or the steps in a task, and even though I may have mountains of things that should be done, can you guess what you will find me doing? First, I will probably wander around the house aimlessly for a bit, maybe putting a random cup in the dishwasher and then possibly eat some of whatever happens to be on the counter (like potato chips- ack!), and then maybe I will sit down at my computer and spend an hour on Facebook. Yes, I can be an extremely productive person when there is lots to do. Insert an eye-roll and a nervous giggle and grin here. I have loads of avoidance techniques. Unfortunately, I also live in a household full of perfectionist/procrastinators, so it's pretty easy just to fall in line with the rest. I have a pretty good work-ethic, not quite as intense as my mom's, but I have never had any problem working all day without breaks for weeks, if I finally get into the groove or if I am working for someone else.

I want things to be so perfect that sometimes I can't even start. There are so many ideas and grand plans going on in my head all of the time, but the problem is, for the most-part, that is where they stay (maybe there wouldn't be so many if I could just cross some of them off the list). When I first started this blog and my other one, my business had not quite overtaken me yet. I was able to get in a reasonable amount of posts in the first year. I never really found a voice on this one, but at least there were posts. One of things I wanted to do when I finally sold my business was to blog and maybe even vlog. Even though things were very crazy for a few months after selling my business, when they calmed down and I had the possibility of time to devote to other things, did I post on my blogs? Nope. What I did do was talk a lot, to others and in my head, about how I was going to start blogging again. There was definitely a weariness and a lack of motivation involved, but I would say for the most part, it was my perfectionism getting in the way. I should learn to code. In fact, I should learn all of the languages of coding, as opposed to my very basic knowledge of an outdated form of html. Oooh, if I were an expert coder, then I could build myself an excellent, superior, creative blog, and I could do that for others too, and maybe I could develop apps, and maybe I could do all sorts of other computer related things and maybe I should learn everything. I should learn more about photography so I have great pictures for my blog. I should learn how to take that fancy camera of mine off of automatic and learn to shoot raw, and I should take a photography course, or read lots of books on how to learn everything about cameras and photography and maybe I should learn everything. Ooooh, if I did all that, then maybe I could even shoot people's weddings, and portraits, and oh, those wonderful baby shoots with the little crocheted hats and burlap and Gerbera daisies and what-not. Oh, oh, and then I could submit photos to stock photo sites, and create photos as art, and learn and create all sorts of new things to do with cameras. I could probably give a dozen examples of things I wanted to learn to perfection before I should start blogging again. Thankfully it only took me a year and a half to quell the need to do 100 things to perfection and then learn everything before I could even start (can I possibly insert another major eye-roll here), and finally just made the jump. This is something I literally had to talk myself through. I had to get to that breaking point where I was so ashamed and frustrated with myself for not doing things that it was ok to just start something, and remind myself that I can go back and make things better later...or not.

Here's the thing; this blog is named Adventures of an Autodidact. What is an autodidact? A self-learner. To some degree we are all self learners because we all learn some things by ourselves, especially when we learn from our mistakes. A perfectionist is so afraid of making mistakes that it often prevents them from trying (or starting) things. If I can't make mistakes, not only am I not learning, and limiting myself in my pursuit of being an autodidact, but I am also limiting myself in life. Do I want either of those things? Absolutely and passionately not! I read somewhere that sometimes, just writing down some of the ways perfectionism hinders you in different areas of your life will help you see the ridiculousness of it and be able to let it go. Perfectionism is holding me back and I will do my best to beat it down. Writing this post is my first step.

Readings on Perfectionism

Here is the post from The Art of Simple that started my little foray into perfectionist ramblings. I can relate to every one of her examples. The craft cupboard (or closet, or drawer, or dresser) that needs re-organizing? Check. Not working out at all because you don't have time for a super intense, perfect work-out(when I couldn't even handle that workout because it has been so long)? Check. I could go on, but it might get depressing.

Why Perfectionists Should Strive to be Exceptionalists - this article is kind of like a punch in the gut, but it is a good dose of truth about perfectionism and some thoughts on how to break the cycle.

My Summer Reading List
For most of my life, I have been a list maker. I loved making lists. I loved checking things off. Almost 2 years ago, I sold a business in which I was far too busy for far too long. It took a toll on me. When I sold the business, I stopped making lists, and for the most part, I also stopped accomplishing much of anything. So, in the spirit of trying to move on and grab a piece of my old life back, I am making a summer reading list- a rather ambitious list with 14 books included- and I worry that I am making it too big or that I am not leaving enough room for spontaneous reading or gems that I come across over the summer, but guess what? This list is not written on a concrete tablet and neither is it a binding contract. It is simply a way for me to remember the books I want to read so I don't forget any of them and for motivation to try to complete a list so that I can jump up and down and say, "yay for me" and "yay for lists".

Fiction (including fluff- don't judge)

1. The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards
2.The Drums of Autumn by Diana Gabaldon
3. City of Lost Souls by Cassandra Clare
This is the fifth book in the City of Bones series. It is teen fiction and I enjoy it. Sue me.
4. City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare
5. Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare
6. Clockwork Prince by Cassandra Clare
7. Clockwork Princess by Cassandra Clare

Non-fiction

1. 1000 Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp
I find Ann's blog and pretty much anything she does incredibly inspiring and also envy inducing because she just knows her way around words, feelings, and thoughts like nobody's business.
2. The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of De-cluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo
I saw this book mentioned on a blog. I think it was Apartment Therapy. I put it on hold at my local library and I am something like 200th in line for it. With a wait like that, I'm hoping it's a miracle maker.
3. Notes from a Blue Bike: The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World by Tsh Oxenreider
Tsh is a blogger at The Art of Simple.
4. Hold onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers by Gordon Neufeld
So many people have been recommending this book for so long that, even though my youngest is 14 now, I feel like I have to read it or there will be some profound piece missing from my life.

Books I am reading aloud to my 14 year old

1. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
I never read this book as a child. My oldest read it and loved it. We started reading this aloud with another girl that I invited over to join our homeschooling one day a week, but she hasn't been able to come for awhile so we will be continuing on our own.
2. The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss
I never read this book either, but I love, love, loved the little tv series that used to be on when I was younger. I even named one of my dolls Samantha after the doll of the little girl on the show. I am hoping the book will be as good as the show and plan to watch the show again after as well.

Recipe Books

1. Oh She Glows by Angela Liddon
Essentially I have already "read" this book. Putting it on this list means that I want to make as many recipes as possible from the book and experience the book. This is one where I discovered the book first, which then led me to her blog instead of the other way around.